Ha ha! For a moment I thought Fox News had bought the Washington Post, but in the end it seems to have just been an an honest mistake.

I’m not even referring to their political ideas, which do tend to be pretty stupid across the generally accepted right-left political spectrum[2]; I mean the more fundamental kind of stupid. As in, unable to derive, comprehend, and internalize plain facts from the world in which they live.

The “birther” people and their weird forged Kenyan birth certificates? An Obama euthanasia squad killing Palin’s retarded baby? “Brownshirts”, Nazis, Hitler? These “town hell” events where pathetic fat white people froth at the mouth and waddle around with quasi-religious fervor venting without irony about keeping the damn government out of their fucking Medicare?

Gross, dude. It’s embarrassing. We’ve never been short of idiots, but from here it looks like US and A has reached a new and scary high-water mark. Something like 1 in 5 Americans is impervious to any unwanted facts[3] and proud of it, you liberal cocksucker, so hallelujah praise jesus and GO FUCK YOUR RACE-TRAITOR LIBERAL SOCIALIST FAGGOT ASS IN THE FUCKING ASS!

It seems to me, they used to more THINK that kind of shit than actually SAY IT OUT LOUD IN PUBLIC in the mainstream news media without fear of ridicule. In some cases, this kind of shit *is* the mainstream media. Not just with the fat radio ‘entertainers’ and the pudgy sobbing TV ones, either: pretty much every major TV news network offered sober coverage of Sarah Palin’s wigged-out paranoiac screeds, but none of them really managed to get across the real story, which is: HOLY SHIT THIS LADY WHO MIGHT HAVE BEEN ONLY ONE OCTOGENARIAN’S CORONARY AWAY FROM THE LAUNCH CODES IS A DERANGED LUNATIC WHO LIVES IN A PARANOID FANTASY WORLD.

—-

[1]: By which I mean, maybe the USA was always this dysfunctional and intellectually broken, and I was just better at tuning it out when I lived there. But I don’t think so, because I’ve lived abroad for enough years at different times that I have at least some basis for comparison.

[2]: accepted, but fundamentally flawed and incapable of describing actual political discourse, since there is actually more than one fucking political issue on the table at any given time

[3]: Starting with the fact that an uppity half-breed jigaboo was elected President of the United States, and just kind of going from there…

You know, like for the record and shit.

You know, like for the record and shit.

There a several things about this video to make a real American cringe:

First and foremost is that fact that you yourself would not bother to stand up for American principles in this way, because it would be too inconvenient[2]. 99% of people (sadly, myself included) would just allow the cops to perform a warrantless search with no cause whatsoever. But: that’s obviously how police-state creep begins. (I mean, has begun.)

The “our justification for the search of your vehicle is that you won’t let us search your vehicle” line of reasoning is disturbing.

As a summary of post-9/11 America, the smirky and insincere “right now, I’m pretty sure you’re a terrorist” line from the Border Patrol agent, when he fails to come up with any logical response, is too pithy for comfort.

The fact that it takes 28 minutes to watch. (It’s too boring and tedious to watch alone, so it is best absorbed by leaving it in the background while doing other things.)

Finally, there’s the fact that in America now, the situation depicted in this video is probably commonplace, and altogether unsurprising (except perhaps for the fact that this citizen actually does not instantly capitulate).

UPDATE: I think I’ve identified the previously anonymous hero! According to KSWT 13 News the guy is Steven Anderson. Looks like we can definitely add “and Christian nut job” to our “American hero” description. But the one doesn’t preclude the other, of course. (It does make it substantially less cool, but… this is a serious issue, not a fashion show. And of course, Christains and other reality-averse people can still serve a useful social function, as apparently is the case with this guy.)

–

[1]: I mean ‘civil rights’ in the normal sense of the word, as in “the right to drive down the street within your own country and not be detained, swarmed by uniformed authorities with weapons, and searched without reasonable cause”, not whatever the minutiae of the laws of this particular state and the nation happen to dictate. It wouldn’t surprise me if this guy didn’t actually have the rights he asserts here — although that would make this video even more depressing.

[2]: Ha ha, yes, convenience is certainly another cultural American ideal — one that I prize, even — but it’s obviously not one to be valued above liberty and personal freedom.

President Barack Hussein Obama.

AMERICA, FUCK YEAH!

(BTW, I hope it’s obvious that the above list is not in any kind of order.)

We’ll know soon, in any event. UPDATE: It’s Biden.

Matthews! Brokaw! Even uber-cynic Olbermann! They look like the junior high school girls volleyball team arriving for practice one morning to find Bubbles the bunny rabbit mascot dead in his cage.

OK, finally here’s Russert. As usual, he’s saying blaaah blah blah blah blaaaaah. But not crying. Oh, and here’s Maddow. Definitely not crying. Okay. Maybe that quavering sound was just interference from a solar flare, or something.

Well, I’m not crying either; I am shooting my gun straight up in the air and shouting FUCK YEAH FUCK YEAH OBAMA OH EIGHT I TOLD Y’ALL BITCHES YEE HAW over the P.A. system. Fuck yeah.

Okay, sure, the fucking whore radio host was wrong to call the fucking whore candidate a "fucking whore" on the air. Whatever, dude. But the increasingly common assumption he makes — that the reason that people are anti-Clinton must be because they are pro-Obama — is bogus.

Many of us would strongly dislike Hillary Clinton whether or not Barack Obama had entered the presidential race.

Many of us would strongly support Barack Obama for president even if Hillary Clinton were a genuine and honest public servant worthy of our respect (as opposed to the calculating and disingenuous personification of everything wrong with American politics that she actually is).

So get it straight. Sure, we would vote for Hillary Clinton over John McCain. But that would just be another case of choosing the shitburger over the double shitburger. (In other words, just like every other presidential election I’ve been alive for.)

We didn’t just recently start to hate shitburgers now that the new 2008 menu finally features a fresh healthy salad.

Mired in an unwinnable idiot war, with an ignorant citizenry trading away its constitutional freedoms for security theater, 2008 finds our nation in steep decline, led by the worst president in living memory and a gaggle of other dysfunctional cowards.

Yeah, so what else is new, right? Well, there is one thing: it’s probably only because things have gotten so bad, but this time our political system has improbably managed to produce an intelligent and thoughtful candidate who not only reflects America’s better attributes, and eschews most of the idiotic trappings of our broken two-party system, but who also somehow still has a real shot at winning.

Unfortunately, this has sent the Clinton team into a desperate and disgraceful race-baiting frenzy, and they must be stopped.

I have prepared an exhaustive report how this can be accomplished and what you must do to help. (Like most rigorous scientific analyses, it is presented in comic book form.) Read, and then act: