Either my TV is mysteriously fucked up and suffering some kind of weird psychoemotional electrical distortion, or, more plausibly, all of the MSNBC anchors and commentators are fucking clearing their quavering throats and failing to hide the fact that they are on the verge of tears as they announce that Obama is the first colored fella to achieve the position of having a serious chance to maybe beat a haggard-ass confused Republican octogenarian caught up in the worst Republican slump the modern history of American presidential politics.

Matthews! Brokaw! Even uber-cynic Olbermann! They look like the junior high school girls volleyball team arriving for practice one morning to find Bubbles the bunny rabbit mascot dead in his cage.

OK, finally here's Russert. As usual, he's saying blaaah blah blah blah blaaaaah. But not crying. Oh, and here's Maddow. Definitely not crying. Okay. Maybe that quavering sound was just interference from a solar flare, or something.

Well, I'm not crying either; I am shooting my gun straight up in the air and shouting FUCK YEAH FUCK YEAH OBAMA OH EIGHT I TOLD Y'ALL BITCHES YEE HAW over the P.A. system. Fuck yeah.